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xxbecause-i-canxx:

hotmesswithouthehot:

lemonmintcoughdrops:

the-grudge-girl:

I live in Osaka, Japan and often use the subway to go to work in the morning. One day while I was waiting for the train, I noticed a homeless man standing in the corner of the subway station muttering to himself as people passed by. He was holding out a cup and seemed to be begging for spare change.
An overweight woman passed by the homeless man and I distinctly heard him say, “Pig.”
Wow, this man is insulting people and he still expects them to give him money?
Then a tall businessman went by and the man muttered, “Human.”
Human? I can’t argue with that. Obviously, he was human.
The next day, I arrived early at the subway station and had some time to kill, so I decided to stand close to the homeless man and listen to his strange mutterings.  A thin, haggard-looking man passed in front of him and I heard the homeless guy mutter, “Cow.” Cow? The man was much too skinny to be a cow. To me, he resembled a turkey or a chicken. A minute or so later, an obese man went by and the homeless man said, “Potato.” Potato? I was under the impression that he called all fat people “Pig”.
That day at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man and his puzzling behavior. I kept trying to find some logic or pattern in what he as muttering. Perhaps he has some kind of psychic ability. In Japan many people believe in reincarnation, so maybe he knows what these people were during a previous life. I observed the man many times and began to think my theory was right. I often heard him calling people things like “Rabbit”, “Onion”, “Sheep”, or “Tomato”.
One day, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him what was going on. As I walked up to him, he looked at me and said, “Bread.” I tossed some money into his cup and asked him if he had some kind of psychic ability. The man smiled and said, “Yes, indeed. It is an ability I obtained many years ago, but it’s not what you might expect. I can’t tell the future or read minds or anything like that.”
“Then what is your ability?” I asked eagerly.
“The ability is merely to know the last thing somebody ate,” he said.
I laughed because I realized he was right. He said, “Bread.” The last thing I had eaten for breakfast that day was toast. I walked away shaking my head. Of all the psychic abilities someone could have, that one must be the most useless.

HUMAN

HUMAN

SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST

dennys:

sprawlerr:

why does dennys have a tumblr

why do you

nippled:

annoying online and irl

apokelypse:

my life is basically when you find toaster strudels in the freezer then realize you have no toaster

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leewkhemmings:

im fucking dying

punnier:

velma on the streets but daphne in the sheets

58,697 notes · reblog ·

p-otter-m-alfoy:

at least i know nobody’s using me for my looks

chekhov:

My mom went on my account and unfollowed you sorry

buttlicked:

DO IT FOR THE VINE. Please save my grape vines I am a farmer and this my only income.

69,611 notes · reblog ·

supersmashthestatebros:

no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

dutch-pharaoh:

dependsoncontext:

fuking-homestuck:

j-z-millier:

louxisalhama:

spaceisforlovers:

jethroq:

danadelions:

ja ja ja ja ja
a spanish person laughing or a german person during sex???

you decide

Finnish person struggling to remember what they were about to say next

polish person trying to get themself noticed

portuguese person trying to hush other people

Chinese person trying to do calculations

swedish person wanting to get out of a conversation

Language is beautiful

xplosivediarrhea:

imagine how much power you’d have if you woke up with a clear face and perfect hair every day

kingloptr:

when you reblog something risky and dont lose followers

image

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volcaenic:

about to backhand this bitch